Reflective Questions towards developing Self-Wholeness

These questions were sourced from Guy Finlay's book - 'The Secrets of Letting Go'. It is not uncommon for us all to initially find fault in the other or blame the other. To quote Pema Choldron, "It isn't what happens that makes us suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens".

Whilst the initial reaction is to blame the other, or ask, "why me"? The 10 questions are inviting us to look within ourselves and ask what is my 'Inner' learning from this experience?

Questions for Self-Wholeness

(1)    Instead of always asking yourself, “Why do these things always happen to

        me?”

        Learn to ask:     What is it inside of me that attracts’ these painful

                                   situations?

(2)    Instead of always asking yourself why things had to go this way or be
        that way…..

        Learn to ask:     Why is the way I feel always determined by
                                  external conditions?

(3)    Instead of always asking yourself how to protect yourself in challenging

        situations……

         Learn to ask:     What is it in me that always needs to be defended?

(4)    Instead of always asking yourself how to clear up your mental fog…..

         Learn to ask:     Can confusion knows anything about clarity?

(5)    Instead of always asking yourself what to do about tomorrow (or the next

        minute)…..

        Learn to ask:     Can there ever be intelligence in anxiety or worry?

(6)    Instead of always asking yourself why does so-and-so act this or that

        way….

        Learn to ask:     What’s inside of me that wants to hurt itself 
                                  over how anyone acts?

(7)    Instead of always crying out, “Why me?”

         Learn to ask:     Who is this “me” that always feels this way?

(8)     Instead if always asking yourself if you've made the right choice........

 

          Learn to ask:     Can fear ever make a safe decision?

(9)    Instead of always asking yourself why doesn’t so-and-so see how wrong

        they are….

         Learn to ask:     Is what I’m feeling about that person right now
         good for me? Or them?


(10)   Instead of always asking yourself how to get others to approve you…..


         Learn to ask:     What do I really want, the applause of the crowds
         or to quietly have my own life?

  

(Source: Finley, G. 1990 The Secret of Letting Go – Llewellyn Publication, St Paul Minnesota. p 61-62)

Shame & Guilt - Utube title Is Shame Good? Dr Brene Brown

Shame

The phenomena of shame has historically been extensively addressed in addictions.  John Bradshaw wrote significant works about addictions and shame in the 1980's. It has been attributed as a significant 'core antecedent(s)' to many of the 'acting out' behaviour(s) people engage in.

The deep internal default position of deep shame, permeates energetically to the cellular core - that - I AM - the shame.  These deep psychic wounds can hold a deep legacy for a person. Cognitively and intellectually there is a knowing, that the associated repetitive 'acting out' behaviour is not kosher.

There appears to be a deeper drive, manifesting these behaviours facilitating a process of sabtogue and deep internal self loathing. To which, reinforces the internal, I AM - the shame.

The process of healing - to - I AM - NOT the shame - is a deep journey enabling the deep 'pained' vulnerability to be expressed in a very safe therapeutic space. The 'death' of the shamed ego self will put up it's resistances as the rebirthing of acceptance into the 'true' - "I AM" flows from beyond our core.

For your information, Dr Brene Brown's Utube clip below - 'Is Shame Good' - accurately articulates the differences between shame and guilt.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdllwCXDyTA

Lyrics - Addictions & Recovery

The Velet Underground: Heroin

Lyrics:

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein

And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I have made the big decision, I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death

And you can't help me, not you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet silly talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that on a sailor's suit and cap

Away from the big city where a man cannot be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know

Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a Mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off than dead

Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' busy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds

'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
When the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head

Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess, I just don't know
And I guess, I just don't know

(Source: http://www.elyrics.net/read/v/velvet-underground-lyrics/heroin-lyrics.html)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffr0opfm6I4

Our Common Fears

14 Common Fears

1. Fear of Disease, Sickness or Poor Health:
2. Fear of Losing Your Job:
3. Fear of Dying:
4. Fear of Loneliness:
5. Fear of Uncertainty About Your Future:
6. Fear of Failure:
7. Fear of Making Decisions:
8. Fear of Conflict:
9. Fear of Rejection:
10. Fear of Stupidity, Ignorance, Lack of Knowledge:
11. Fear of Losing Your Most Important Relationships:
12. Fear of Public Speaking:
13. Fear of Being Poor:
14. Fear of Success:


(Source: http://www.paulymath.com/2008/04/23/14-most-common-fears-in-life-and-what-to-do-about-them/)

Journalling Exercise - Fear(s) of Not Using

Can You Please List What Are Your Fears Of Not Using?

(A) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally, and spiritually?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

(B) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body) emotionally and spiritually?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

(C) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually)?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

 

(D) __________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(E) __________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(F) ___________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

(G) _____________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(H) _____________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Lyrics - Addictions & Recovery

Medina – Addiction

Lyrics:

Should I drink another drink
Say another lie
I know that you may think
That I'm a broken little bird in my mind

Cause I'm crawling on the floor
I'm climbing up the walls
And every-time I get a grip
I seem to lose myself just a little more

Cause I am here and it eats me up
Well, I love the way it feels
I really shouldn't stay
But I can't give up
The more it hurts, the more I need

It's like an addiction
It's like an addiction

Should I drink another drink
Am I running out of time
Confusion makes me think
This solution is beyond my sorry mind

Cause I am here and it eats me up
Well, I love the way it feels
I really shouldn't stay
But I can't give up
The more it hurts, the more I need

It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness
It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free *of the madness*
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness
It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

(Source: http://www.metrolyrics.com/addiction-lyrics-medina.html)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tiexHjBt3w