Reflective Questions towards developing Self-Wholeness

These questions were sourced from Guy Finlay's book - 'The Secrets of Letting Go'. It is not uncommon for us all to initially find fault in the other or blame the other. To quote Pema Choldron, "It isn't what happens that makes us suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens".

Whilst the initial reaction is to blame the other, or ask, "why me"? The 10 questions are inviting us to look within ourselves and ask what is my 'Inner' learning from this experience?

Questions for Self-Wholeness

(1)    Instead of always asking yourself, “Why do these things always happen to

        me?”

        Learn to ask:     What is it inside of me that attracts’ these painful

                                   situations?

(2)    Instead of always asking yourself why things had to go this way or be
        that way…..

        Learn to ask:     Why is the way I feel always determined by
                                  external conditions?

(3)    Instead of always asking yourself how to protect yourself in challenging

        situations……

         Learn to ask:     What is it in me that always needs to be defended?

(4)    Instead of always asking yourself how to clear up your mental fog…..

         Learn to ask:     Can confusion knows anything about clarity?

(5)    Instead of always asking yourself what to do about tomorrow (or the next

        minute)…..

        Learn to ask:     Can there ever be intelligence in anxiety or worry?

(6)    Instead of always asking yourself why does so-and-so act this or that

        way….

        Learn to ask:     What’s inside of me that wants to hurt itself 
                                  over how anyone acts?

(7)    Instead of always crying out, “Why me?”

         Learn to ask:     Who is this “me” that always feels this way?

(8)     Instead if always asking yourself if you've made the right choice........

 

          Learn to ask:     Can fear ever make a safe decision?

(9)    Instead of always asking yourself why doesn’t so-and-so see how wrong

        they are….

         Learn to ask:     Is what I’m feeling about that person right now
         good for me? Or them?


(10)   Instead of always asking yourself how to get others to approve you…..


         Learn to ask:     What do I really want, the applause of the crowds
         or to quietly have my own life?

  

(Source: Finley, G. 1990 The Secret of Letting Go – Llewellyn Publication, St Paul Minnesota. p 61-62)

Shame & Guilt - Utube title Is Shame Good? Dr Brene Brown

Shame

The phenomena of shame has historically been extensively addressed in addictions.  John Bradshaw wrote significant works about addictions and shame in the 1980's. It has been attributed as a significant 'core antecedent(s)' to many of the 'acting out' behaviour(s) people engage in.

The deep internal default position of deep shame, permeates energetically to the cellular core - that - I AM - the shame.  These deep psychic wounds can hold a deep legacy for a person. Cognitively and intellectually there is a knowing, that the associated repetitive 'acting out' behaviour is not kosher.

There appears to be a deeper drive, manifesting these behaviours facilitating a process of sabtogue and deep internal self loathing. To which, reinforces the internal, I AM - the shame.

The process of healing - to - I AM - NOT the shame - is a deep journey enabling the deep 'pained' vulnerability to be expressed in a very safe therapeutic space. The 'death' of the shamed ego self will put up it's resistances as the rebirthing of acceptance into the 'true' - "I AM" flows from beyond our core.

For your information, Dr Brene Brown's Utube clip below - 'Is Shame Good' - accurately articulates the differences between shame and guilt.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdllwCXDyTA

Lyrics - Addictions & Recovery

The Velet Underground: Heroin

Lyrics:

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein

And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I have made the big decision, I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death

And you can't help me, not you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet silly talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that on a sailor's suit and cap

Away from the big city where a man cannot be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know

Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a Mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off than dead

Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' busy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds

'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
When the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head

Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess, I just don't know
And I guess, I just don't know

(Source: http://www.elyrics.net/read/v/velvet-underground-lyrics/heroin-lyrics.html)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffr0opfm6I4

Our Common Fears

14 Common Fears

1. Fear of Disease, Sickness or Poor Health:
2. Fear of Losing Your Job:
3. Fear of Dying:
4. Fear of Loneliness:
5. Fear of Uncertainty About Your Future:
6. Fear of Failure:
7. Fear of Making Decisions:
8. Fear of Conflict:
9. Fear of Rejection:
10. Fear of Stupidity, Ignorance, Lack of Knowledge:
11. Fear of Losing Your Most Important Relationships:
12. Fear of Public Speaking:
13. Fear of Being Poor:
14. Fear of Success:


(Source: http://www.paulymath.com/2008/04/23/14-most-common-fears-in-life-and-what-to-do-about-them/)

Journalling Exercise - Fear(s) of Not Using

Can You Please List What Are Your Fears Of Not Using?

(A) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally, and spiritually?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

(B) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body) emotionally and spiritually?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

(C) ________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually)?

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

 

(D) __________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(E) __________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(F) ___________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

(G) _____________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(H) _____________________________________________________________

How do you experience this fear, cognitively, physically (in your body), emotionally and spiritually?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How does it effect you in your life? (What impacts? Does it block you?)

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Lyrics - Addictions & Recovery

Medina – Addiction

Lyrics:

Should I drink another drink
Say another lie
I know that you may think
That I'm a broken little bird in my mind

Cause I'm crawling on the floor
I'm climbing up the walls
And every-time I get a grip
I seem to lose myself just a little more

Cause I am here and it eats me up
Well, I love the way it feels
I really shouldn't stay
But I can't give up
The more it hurts, the more I need

It's like an addiction
It's like an addiction

Should I drink another drink
Am I running out of time
Confusion makes me think
This solution is beyond my sorry mind

Cause I am here and it eats me up
Well, I love the way it feels
I really shouldn't stay
But I can't give up
The more it hurts, the more I need

It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness
It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free *of the madness*
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one with the sadness
It's like an addiction
And I just can't break free of the madness
It's like an addiction
Am I the only one

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

I can't let go
I, I, I can't let go
I, I

(Source: http://www.metrolyrics.com/addiction-lyrics-medina.html)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tiexHjBt3w

Self Forgiveness

Self Forgiveness

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness“

– Robert Muller

"Gandhi was right: if we all live by 'an eye for an eye' the whole world will be blind. The only way out is forgiveness."

 

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation, or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

 ^{(Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness)}

Can you please make a personal list of your BLOCKS to your own Self Forgiveness?

(1)        Block___________________________Why?______________________________

            ____________________________________________________________________

            ____________________________________________________________________

(2)        Block___________________________Why?______________________________

            ____________________________________________________________________

            ____________________________________________________________________

(3)        Block_____________________________Why?_____________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(4)        Block_________________________Why? ________________________________

          
__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

(5)        Block_________________________Why?________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

(6)        Block_________________________Why? ________________________________

 _________________________________________________________________________

          
__________________________________________________________________________

How would your life be different if you were able to have self forgiveness?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Client Recommendation

19/8/2011

Dear Mark,

Thank you for helping me through this amazing session today.  I came in with all my negative energy, cranky, wound up, and in the “you can’t fix me” mode. The introduction to the sand therapy was not what I expected.

In came the sand box, pretty stark, just plain sand, a blank canvas really.  My first reaction was to think.... I wonder what I am meant to create or build. A sand castle? Shapes? Buildings? People?  Surely something recognisable.  I don’t think I can do that, no, I know I can’t.  I am feeling so helpless today, nothing has been working for me, oh f*ck it all, let’s try something different.

I slip my hand into the sand box, listen to the music, and feel the sand, the softness, the ebb and flow, the timelessness. I drop down into another world...soothe, relax.  I close my eyes, there is no right or wrong, just drift further and let go, let it all go.  I know you are there, my support, encouraging me, wishing me and holding me in this space, and it feels safe.

Wait, this isn’t me, I’m not in control anymore! But it doesn’t even enter my head, I’m miles away.

Now it is time to choose some figurines.  I have walked into your rooms countless times and peered over this curious collection, but now I am looking at them in a completely different way.  I soon know what I want and I find the right ones, like a child picking toys out of a toy box.

I move these people around unconsciously.  They can’t hurt me, they can’t judge me, and they can’t control me.  This is my dream and it feels real.  I feel it, I grieve it, I nurture it.   My heart and soul are pouring out into this story before me. My emotions build up and a climatic release erupts and I don’t stop it, because I know it’s OK. You are still there, in silence, but your support is loud.  The tissues keep appearing and your presence and your energy are in perfect sync with this moment.

I have to come back now, my story, for now, has ended.  It is a weird transition, coming back from this foreign place.  My head is aching, my body is tingling- almost trembling, and I am exhausted.   You are still there, giving me the freedom to come back to reality in my own time.

I go home in a daze and take your advice.  I take a relaxing bath with oils, soft music, candles and herbal tea.  But before I could sleep, I needed to write down this recollection before I lost it.

Thank you for this day.

Kindest regards,

Odette

Dad

Drug Education for Young People

Man and His Castle

Parenting When Times Are Tough

Oh, the Joys of Fathering

Why Men Don't Seek Help In Relationships

Question surrounding Addictions

Is the healing of an Addiction the awakening and empowerment of our deep Higher Self Consciousness than just our Cognitive Consciousness?

A Guide To Journalling a Self Development Resource

A Guide To Journal Writing

For Your Continuing Journey

 ·          Write the date;

·          Take some time to come inside;

·          Write what you find there: feelings, issues, experiences that seem
         unfinished etc.;

• Note what triggered the feeling or issue;

·          Any memories of similar feelings in past situations;

·          Are there recurring patterns?

·          Any learning(s) from the experience(s)?

From time to time, read back over sections of your journal as a way to review your journey, and enter what you discover.

   [Source: ‘The Meeting Place’ – Vermont)

Mandala Drawings

Mandala is the Sanskrit word for 'circle'. Commonly, a mandala is a circular drawing made in a ritual and geometric way to contain the mandala-maker's thoughts, reflections, ideals, dreams, symbols and psychological state of mind.

A mandala can be viewed as a psychic totality, a symbol or reflection of the self.  It can be viewed as a reflection of consciousness at the moment of drawing.

The mandala - the outer circle - can be regarded as the container.  Within this container, the mandala-maker draws the pictures or words, the colours, symbols, icons, numbers or textures that are appropriate and potent for them at the time.

The contents of the cirle are uniquely meaningful to the mandala maker, and can be interpreted in the same way that dream symbols can be read.

THE SYMBOLISM OF THE CIRCLE

The circle is a universal human symbol, found in all the world's great spiritual and religious traditions.

It is a shape without beginning or end, thus representing wholeness, unity, the centre, the Self, totality, enternity, infinity, timelessness, cyclical reoccurence, the universe and God. It can represent the entirety of both the inner and the outer world.

The term 'mandala' denotes the ritual or magic circle in Lamaism and also in Tantric yoga as an aid to contemplation - C. G Jung
                                                                        (Source: Wikipedia & Pearson, M)

Mandala Review

Mandala drawing is a powerful and creative way for the unconscious to be expressed.  By collecting all mandala drawings for a number of months it is very powerful to place them all on the floor and review the shifts in colour, shapes and energy:)

Geelong Advertiers was present for the Mandala Review we conducted for National Drug Action Week.

Click below to read the article of the week long event.

Click here